Abhayaka

Abhayaka

My name's Abhayaka and I live in Valencia, Spain.

I was born and grew up in central London. I left school at 17 and went to work for BT as an engineer. I stayed in telecoms for 7 years and did quite well for myself. I bought a new car, a house and a decent stereo. I used to drink and smoke too much. All my friends were like me. Aged 21 I had a spontaneous existential experience about the unsatisfactory nature of existence and since then I've being searching for something! In 1988, aged 24, I left the illusory security of working in a well paid job and went travelling abroad. I returned to the UK 18 months later not a lot wiser but determined not to return to my previous life. In May/June 1990 I first walked through the doors of the LBC. Someone I met only once suggested that I learn to meditate. So it was the LBC where I first discovered the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path.

The Buddha Dharma had a strong effect on me, here was something which I intuitively understood to be true, something which articulated a need, desire or realisation hidden deep within me. However I didn't find the LBC very welcoming and after a year of so I stopped going. During my 18 months abroad I met lots of fellow travellers and through these contacts I got into squatting, warehouse parties, road protesting, alt festivals, etc and it was with this group which I now increasingly became involved. After several lost years and occasional encounters with the FWBO I landed in South London and started going along to Utpala, effectively an annexe of the Croydon centre. Utpala was much more to my liking and in the person of Dharmaruchi I found someone who was much more open-minded and welcoming than any Order Member I'd met up to this point. So it was in South London that my commitment to the Dharma really began to flourish and take root.

In 1997 I moved to Leeds with my then partner and it was there that I became a mitra and asked for ordination. In 1998 I went to Guhyaloka with my good friend Andy Newlands to take part in the Winter Working Retreat. In theory we were only going for a few months but thanks to my, by then, ex-partner, I was able to stay for longer, much longer. I ended up living in Guhyaloka for 3 years and I have now been in Spain for the past 7 years. I never meant for this to happen it's just the way my life is working out.

I now live with Francesca my partner of the past 4 years. Until recently I taught yoga at the Valencia Buddhist Centre, I currently work in the Evolution shop which I really enjoy. I also support the Monday night meditation drop-in class at the centre and on Friday afternoons a class at our local prison. Since moving to Spain I have learnt to speak Spanish although there is still plenty of room for improvement. This summer my Mother died, she was 75 and had been ill for many many years. I have no brothers or sisters and no close family members with whom I am in contact, except for a cousin. I am still working out what all this means. I can't say that I feel happy, I don't, but that is ok.

My life now has meaning which is more than could be said for it 20 or even 10 years ago. I am very grateful to Bhante for founding our Order and Movement and to all those upon whose shoulders I stand. This Summer my life and my practice came together like never before. Our Evolution shop closes down at the end of January after 10 years in business. We, the Order in Valencia, are currently forming a new vision of where we go next. Where I go or what I do next is largely dependent upon this new vision and what we decide to do here in the coming months and years. I believe in our Order and it's institutions. I love my new name and enjoy chapter meetings. As things stand at the moment I don't want to get married or have kids. I am 41. No Fear!

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